Sweetness

So I discovered these at Whole Foods recently because I had to satisfy my sweet tooth despite the face that I gave up chocolate for Lent. Let me introduce you to QB's, the All natural crispy treat filled with ice cream." Although upon sampling, I wouldn't use the adjective "crispy." The texture is more chewy, then creamy, or melty, depending on how long it takes you to eat it.

So why are these frozen snacks named after an abbreviated position in football? What is the purpose of these snacks, as it would appear in the dictionary? What do these treats like to do in their spare time? I'm glad you asked. Just refer to the amazingly awesome back of the box.



QB n. (cube-EE): An all natural cube shaped ice cream treat that satisfies the taste buds and makes you smile.

Well there you go. I just can't get over the copy.

So they come in three flavors, Dave, Suzy Cube and Esquivel. What the eff kind of name is Esquivel?! It almost as bad a Gerbie! (Only a few people will understand that reference). And why is he removing his crispy garment?

I guess in addition to lewd and lascivious acts of exhibitionism, Esquivel enjoys extreme activities and high action sports. But chillin' is a definite must. That's not contradictory. And what the eff kind of sports would a crispy covered block of ice cream participate in? I guess they would have to be winter sports. Maybe he uses those popsicle sticks with those really bad jokes on them as snowboards.

And for some reason, my treats are trying to escape out of the right side of the box! Or maybe they're just being exposed to intrigue people. Again with the exhibitionism! Come to think of it, I think I saw Paul Reubens endorsing them in a commercial recently.



I think the contemplative king in the top left corner sums it all up: QB's or not QB's? There is no question.